I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
