How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
