You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
