He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize