I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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