my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
