I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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