Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You are a genius and a whore.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
