Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're a waste of cheezeits
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
