Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
