i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
