Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
