I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is the prime rib incident all over again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
