I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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