he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
