Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
