There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
