Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
