remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
