dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
