I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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