Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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