thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need mimosas to revive my soul
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
