I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
