we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
