yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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