You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
