no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
