He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
