I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
