I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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