I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
