i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
