I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
