I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
