Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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