we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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