How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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