You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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