I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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