I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
