If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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