btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
