NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
