My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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