lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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