I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
