On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
