Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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