Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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