mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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