it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
