Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
