this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
