I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
