I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
