I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
