her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
