Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your penis caused this!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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