Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
