You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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