you mean i was at the winter classic?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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