she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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