"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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