It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just invented taco cereal.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
