Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
